When Admissions Don’t Go Your Way (And Other Things that Feel Like the End of the World)

By Audrey and Abigail

8th graders are nothing if not dramatic. Therefore, it’s no surprise that when your teenager opens their admissions decision and it’s not what they hoped for, time may briefly stop. There may be silence. There may be tears. There may even be some declaration of “my life is over.” Similarly, if your child was accepted to multiple schools and now is faced with the prospect of making a decision, they might be overwhelmed and temporarily paralyzed by the big choice in front of them. 

Acknowledge the disappointment without minimizing it, and normalize rejection and resilience:

For many kids, this is their first real experience of rejection and it lands right on their identity. To help them cope, your first step is to repeat to yourself that their life is NOT actually over. Before you spiral directly into “what does this mean for college and their future” take a deep breath. Your teen is watching you and they need the message that this is disappointing and that we’re okay. 

Shift to what’s next:

Often landing at a school that isn’t a first, second, or even third choice can provide opportunities you might not have even imagined. There might be a future best friend waiting in their first period class, an afterschool club that unlocks a passion, and an opportunity to connect with a strong educator who might turn out to be a mentor. Reframing a lower choice school with possibility and hope can help your 8th grader see this in a new light, no matter how much they roll their eyes at your optimism. Remind them you’re proud of them and that this decision doesn’t determine their self-worth.  

For your teen who was accepted to multiple schools and needs to make a decision but is overwhelmed and torn in different directions, remind them that this is a huge opportunity and that choice is a good thing. There is no “wrong” decision. High school is not a lifelong contract, even if it feels that way right now. It’s a four year chapter of their story. Help them focus on what school is the most exciting for them.  

No matter what news you receive this week, we can help sort through the noise with a calm, strategic voice and empower you to feel good about the next four years.