college knowledge

By Joyce Szuflita
We are almost done sending the freshmen off to school. I have gathered a couple handy sources that you may want to add to the college file.

• 2 charming articles from the Motherlode about the send off: sending a son off, sending a daughter off

• tax deductions: (I really had no idea!) this article from Prospect Heights Patch is Awesome!

• I need this book: The iConnected Parent by Barbara K. Hoferand Abigail Sullivan Moore, I have gone to lengths (sometimes great) to not be a total helicopter parent, but the temptation to stay in contact electronically when they leave is too emotionally satisfying to be healthy - for me even more than for them

• linens: after doing the round of BB&B, Marshall's, Target and Amazon we broke down and got the cheapest XL Twin dorm sheets from Residence Hall Linens, and they were good quality too, go figure.

• computers Caroline at Ivan Expert told us what to get (Macbook Pro 13") plus the external hard drive and dropbox for backup. Then we all signed up for skype. I upgraded our homeowner's insurance so that when their roommate steps on the laptop they can get another one and they registered them with campus security. One college had the Microsoft Office for free download as long as she is a student, the other had a link for a cheaper version.

• our favorite dorm room items: shower caddy (small, light, holds everything and the handles don't break off), most dorms don't let you have microwaves or coffee machines but we are hoping this super cute water kettle will pass, this cheap cute and useful drawer unit comes disasembled so it is easy to take in the car and put together on site, and finally the must have dorm poster of 2011

How is it going being a sudden double empty nester? I will tell you in two weeks when we return from the March Through the Arch at Northwestern to the shambles of our once gracious apartment. I do crave a little peace and quiet, no more skyrocketing emotions and last minute fire extinguishing, and the invitations for cocktails from our long lost friends seem to be sincere.

Robobaby

The words every mom of a teen is fearful to see in a text, "I got the baby!" These were not so ominous because she only had it for 24 hours, so I texted back, "awesome!" and waited for Robobaby to arrive.

My daughter, as a sophomore, has had "Health" this year instead of gym. It has been a terrific class, which the teacher gleefully describes as having one goal - making sure that none of them gets pregnant. It is much more than that. This class has been so enlightening that I think of it akin to the salad making scene in "To Sir, With Love". Ms. B. is getting them ready for the real world; they rolled the dice to get a job or career (so far, so good), they planned their weddings, wrote vows, made a yearly budget ("why do I have to pay for my husband's deodorant?!"), watched videos of real births ("like, 15 times! disgusting!") assembled their layettes, and finally she brought Robobaby home for a sleepover.

First the school had us sign a paper saying that if anything happens to Robobaby we are responsible for the cost, $350. (I imagine my husband at 2am going at Robobaby with a phillips-head, trying to disarm its crying mechanism.) The kids get the baby for a day (no raw eggs or bags of flour for Murrow!) They have a key that is attached to their wrists with the kind of unbreakable tag that you get at amusement parks so that you can't hand responsibility over to someone else. The key disarms the crying mechanism. The baby records how many times you neglect it or don't support its head. My daughter had to get special permission to delay her baby because she was in a play. For a split second she could tell, Ms. B was thinking, "well, what are you going to do if you had a REAL baby?" and she thought better of it. (Nobody crosses the Murrow Drama Dept.)

So, yesterday afternoon she arrived and was promptly placed in the darling hand painted cradle that held the stuffies and cowbaby. Of course as a new mother, my daughter checked her every 10 minutes because the baby wasn't doing anything. (She had been told it was programed "colicky"). I said, "just wait", and yes, at midnight Robobaby started to cry at irregular intervals until the three of us made my daughter and her progeny sleep on the sofa where we couldn't hear them scream. I am sure that she will get a good grade. She is a very attentive mother. Mostly, I am thankful that she can now stick to a budget, that she knows how much her cell phone costs, that she is thinking about her 401K and that she will make her husband buy his own deodorant.

Tween Town, Not Just for Girls

I got a flood of questions about where to take boys. The boys probably won’t want to do a lot of the same kind of shopping, going to tea or doing their makeup before the show, but most of the suggestions were great for all tweens.

Here are a few more ideas. Madame Toussaud’s is a lot of fun and even with a pricey entry it is freaky and fun. (there are tourist pass tickets that give you discounts at lots of places, like the Empire State Building and if you are doing a lot of the regular touristic things they may be worth it) The Top of the Rock, at Rockefeller Center is supposed to be great for a view of the city if you don’t want to go all the way to 34th St. If your guests are coming from a smaller city, run them inside a couple of Buildings that are amazing spaces that you won’t see anywhere else. In Grand Central (there are good building tours, although you need to know your kid if they would enjoy it or not) there is a spot in front of the Oyster Bar where you can stand in one corner facing the corner and whisper and if someone stands facing the opposite corner they can hear you. Also the food court downstairs is pretty good if you need a snack), and the Reading Room at the Public Library makes a good stop to have a quiet moment if you have sensory overload in Times Square.

I love roaming around the tip of Manhattan. I would wait in line for Ellis Island, and that is saying something. The museum is great and if you have any information on the year that your family member entered the country, it is the biggest thrill to find their signature on the ship’s Leger. You can spend the whole day below Chambers St. I don’t spend much time at South Street Seaport unless it is to pick up tickets at TKTS (shorter lines than uptown) The National Museum of the American Indian (because it is part of the Smithsonian, it is free, your federal tax dollars at work) in the Customs House is great. They opened a beautiful museum on the Mall in DC, but 95% of the collection remains in NY. Spend a lot of time enjoying Hudson River Park, your guests will want to move to NYC. Don’t miss the Museum of Jewish Heritage and the Irish Famine Memorial (this is a particularly lovely and unusual little park north of the World Financial Center, really, it is worth looking for) Walk the whole length of Hudson River Park, it is beautifully and unusually landscaped with wonderful playgrounds for young kids and games and sports equipment at the ranger’s station for older children. When you get to the north end you can walk over the Stuyvesant pedestrian bridge and find a nice bistro in Tribeca for a bite or if you haven’t had enough walking you can completely wear out the soles of their shoes and head due east to City Hall and over The Bridge.

Once you are in Brooklyn, the Transit Museum is small and good (really great for young kids, especially on rainy days) I think that the Carousel in Prospect Park beats all others. The adorable Prospect Park Zoo (check out the Pigeon exhibit) and the southern entrance to the Botanical Garden are right across the street (Flatbush, that is). Bring your stale bagels! Maybe it sounds too low impact when there is so much to see in NY, but sitting in the Japanese Garden and feeding the giant Koi fish and turtles can be a big high-light when the kids are otherwise on overload. It is also very, very beautiful. If you are visiting the Brooklyn Museum (great kids programs and First Saturdays) have brunch at Tom’s Restaurant a couple blocks north on Washington Ave. (not open on Sundays) This neighborhood institution is very kid friendly and if you are waiting they pass out cookies. It helps your guests understand that New York is a city of neighborhoods that are really like the best small towns.

Finally the NY Times had a good article about backstage tours last weekend. I can guarantee that the backstage tour at the Met Opera is impressive, but I am interested in the Yankee Stadium tour which sounds awesome, whether you are a fan or not.

How I Learned to Love Camping; Stop Packing.

I used to dread camping because it took forever to pack. The trick is to have a prepacked kitchen box and some equipment ready to just get in the car and go. Years ago I got an LLBean credit card with benefits. After you have collected enough points you get a $10 credit on LLBean stuff as well as free shipping (and monogramming if you are into that) That is how I got all our camping stuff (that I didn’t get at stoop sales). I just read a post that someone sent back their 8 year old tent for repair, for free. We had the experience that if they couldn’t repair something they gave us a new one. I like them.

This is what we always take:

Tent, a plastic sheet for under (tuck the edges under the tent so the water doesn’t wick under) a couple of big tarps with grommets for a rain cover over the tents (the tent waterproofing and rain flaps will probably work well, but the thought of keeping all rain off the top of the tent makes the rain sound cozy instead of ominous)

Sleeping Bags and roll up foam pads

A shelter for the picnic table with zippered net sides

The big ball of twine

A Swiss army knife

A little shovel

A whisk broom

A large flat round grill for the fire ring

A hammock

A couple of battery operated lanterns and flashlights for everyone

A net bag or toy bucket to carry your shampoo etc. to the showers

The kitchen box:

I got the shmancy one from Bean with my coupons, but really you could just have a big plastic box from Target with a lid that you keep packed with:

A set of plastic dishes (one set for each of you)

A big plastic bowl

A couple of mugs and utensils

A couple of stoop sale pots and a pan

Paper towels with the tube taken out (better for squashing)

Some folded tin foil, and a bunch of different sized zip lock bags (they come in handy for everything including storing food that is floating around in the melted ice of the cooler)

Salt, pepper, sugar, tea, ground coffee

Plastic french press coffee maker

Some stoop sale column candles and something pretty to put wildflowers in

A pretty vinyl table cloth (these things sound excessive, but when I am smelly and dirty and sleeping on the ground, nothing makes me feel better than having a good cup of coffee at my pretty table in the woods)

A bag of fire starters (those lighter soaked sawdust sticks that can start fires with the wettest wood)

Bic Barbecue lighter (some matches too)

Some long handled barbecue tools and skewers for shishkabab (the most delicious and easiest meal)

A large cooler with a tap to drain melted ice

A couple of collapsible camping buckets for water and dish washing

A small container of dishsoap

Batteries of all types

My most treasured item: The pie iron…

Butter two pieces of bread, put them in the cast iron sides, pour in some raw scrambled eggs and cheese, or some banana slices and peanut butter, or apple slices and cinnamon sugar, you are only limited by your own imagination. Close it, clamp it and put it in the fire for a couple of minutes. Repeat while a huge line of children forms behind you. On second thought take two pie irons. Being cast iron, they stay very hot for a long time, only experienced older children should be allowed to use them.

A word on food. I marinate meat for a couple of meals (cubes for shishkabab, etc.) and freeze them rock hard in a couple of quart Chinese soup containers. They thaw slowly in an icy cooler and keep everything else cold as well. I don't take those frozen plastic blue cold packs they are just dead weight after they thaw.

I am sure that I have forgotten something, but when you have a prepacked kitchen box it is less likely that you need to buy it at the horribly over priced camp store.

Lice Wars

How to deal with head lice.
My girls started getting lice in kindergarten. Dress up, coats in a pile, sleepovers sharing beds and baths, and the ultimate culprit - Picture Day, all contributed to the problem. Like clockwork, every year in Oct. about a week after Picture Day we would get a visit from our newest pets. I truly believe that they weren't sharing combs, and I do not blame the school at all. The lice were just loosened up and getting around. For the most part it ended in third grade. Girls had shorter hair, and they weren't rolling around and rubbing heads together as much, maybe also they were just growing up and not playing so much dress-up anymore.

I am relatively bug squeamish and I am not at all afraid of head lice. I see them as cunning adversaries. In all of the years that we were plagued, my husband and I never got them and I was so used to them in the end that I would do the lice check on my own bed. The girls were also never re-infested from our house, it always came in direct relation to a playdate with a friend who had them or picture day. They really seem to go from head to head.

The nits are light colored on my ash blond children's hair, near the scalp. The lice stay at the scalp and don't venture far down the strands. I have heard they like secluded places like behind the ears and low at the neck, but ours always brazenly stayed within easy sight right on the top of the head, laughing at me. Full grown, the lice are light brown and flat almond shape, like a flax seed, and they are fast. You will just see them out of the corner of your eye in a lice check and they will be gone, in an instant. I have spent hours chasing one around my darling's scalp, until she developed a relationship, "don't get 'Biggie', he's my friend"?! Lice checks are when I first discovered that I needed bifocals. The "lice call" from school was always the worst. I only had to say "Lice" to my boss and she handed me my car keys and said that she would see me in the morning. Sometimes it was a false alarm, some dandruff or stray glitter glue, which is infuriating. I have to say that if you suspect that your child has lice you need to have full disclosure to family and friends. Do not send them to the party, or the sleepover - you will lose friends and nothing spoils a reputation faster than being lazy with your disclosure. I won't tell you about the time I had the girls' sweet friend sitting on the hard wood floor at 10pm with our carpets rolled up and her head swathed in olive oil and saran wrap because she had such a bad infestation that I could see them from across the room. I was alone and couldn't get to the drug store and her parents weren't answering their phone.

Let me start off by saying that after reading everything written on them and trying every remedy from the hippie dippy to DDT, I now have THE tried and true, easy, surefire solution. This method removes all lice and nits and it is kind of fun to do. You need a really good lice comb. Check out a metal lice comb at www.colonialmedical.com/product.php?productid=18574 (search for "metal lice comb" I'm not too good with my links yet) I haven't seen this one in person, but I think it is the right model. It needs to have round tongs that have no air between them. Do not use the lice combs you get free in the Rid box, they are useless. You need a roll of paper towels and a bottle of Pantene conditioner.

First squeeze a ton of conditioner all over your child's barely damp head. Rub it around so no lice can escape the goo. Then start combing. Make sure that you are combing from the scalp and do it over and over. You will be combing out great gobs of conditioner and wiping on the paper towels. The Pantene is good because it is white and you see everything that is coming off the hair. It also has enough body that no lice can get away. You will see the nits and the occasional louse, you will also see sand, glitter, pieces of old sandwich and stickers (a child's life spread out before you on that paper towel). Keep doing it until you have a full, thorough pass of the head that comes up with nothing. Do it again the next day and if you come up liceless you are home free. It is as easy as that. Last summer on vacation I had 4 children with lice and in a little over an hour they were free and their hair smelled great! Then take all bedding and towels, wash and dry them hot. If you can wash and dry the stuffies that is great, if things can't be washed put them in a sealed garbage bag for two weeks to do the trick.

These are things that I tried; olive oil and baking soda, tea tree oil and tea tree oil shampoo, all of the over the counter treatments, a heavy duty prescription treatment, vigilant lice checks that took HOURS. The Pantene and thorough combing really, really works.

Courage, lice are nothing like bed bugs, they can be dealt with easily enough, or you can call the wonderful Lice Lady.

A Wistful Ode to Rubber Pellet Season

This may be our last spring soccer season at the Parade Ground. My girls are old enough that I still think of it as mud season, when the Parade Ground was either a rock hard pitted dust bowl or a quagmire free of grass, except for the occasional goal blocking island of weeds. But now we stand on the flat, wide green plastic expanse looking vainly for our team, "Did they say field #11 or #7?" Scanning for parents that are good for an hour long gossip and alternately trying for a spot of sunlight to warm ourselves or a foot of shade to cool ourselves. We have spent the afternoons engrossed in talk of Bat Mitzvahs and Middle School applications, lessons on how to hack into our kid's Facebook and trading SHSAT tutor stories. I remember the season they all got their periods and we all went through menopause. Remember when they could tell an opponent was too old by her eye makeup. When did they all start using black eyeliner? I will miss their coach, with the patience of a saint, trying to get them to stop texting each other long enough to explain how to stop a ball with their chest. That was never going to happen. We didn't mind the losing seasons as long as they checked to see if the injured opponent was okay while the other team scored. They never understood that you couldn't argue with the ref. The righteous indignation of a teenage girl could talk the yellow right off the card.

I will never forget the twilight. They didn't grow up on a suburban deadend street where it is safe to stay out until you heard your mom yell. Standing in the dark listening to my girls play long after they could see the ball. They laughed and ran in the dark. Rubber pellets in the car.